Survivor: Palau episode 6 recap

Hey, I found something that starts with an "r", and ends with "acist"...

Yeah, you're right! It's James!

As sala'amu alaikum, week #6!

Well, the editors of the show should be pleased. They acutally threw me a curve. For a second, I actually thougth Koror was going to council sans beef stew, with all the up play on Janu's crying episode. Then I thought to myself, "Most awesome authority of all things Survivor*, Janu always cries. You shouldn't be worried." As the story unfolded, I was reassued that the folks at the Kororororor estate were, in fact, safe from flame-snuffage. Ulong, bent over, ready to accept the torch of depth and discomfort, did so without the whimper normally associated with Angie's presence. Another immunity challenge gone, another Ulong member gone with it. I must say, the alocohol they enjoyed must have been laced with some major sedatives, to help soften the blow.

*yeah, that's how I address myself...you wannabes!

Reward challenge was simple: Shoot a replica WWII gun at tiles, eat Pringles with jellyfish. Yeah, simple, in theory. Koror had the benefit of Willard's expertise with a firearm of this caliber, and...wait a minute. Where was Willard? Did I miss something? I could have sworn he was just there, coasting with Tom and the gang...oh well, he was probably sleeping, or daydreaming of sleeping, which is what he did at challenges. Ulong stepped it up, well, Stephanie stepped it up, and the guys filled out the rest of the points, taking Ulong to a win. Did it matter at this point? Do Pringles and fruitty beach drinks really look that good when you're half the size of your enemy? Hell yeah, it does! Jellyfish make everything look better than it is. That's why I bought that timeshare, but I digress. The challenge worked out to the benefit of the Palau medical crew, who could rest easy knowing that jellyfish don't sting other invertebrate creatures. SPINELESS ZING! Salt and alcohol, the black jelly bean of rewards, went down smooth, with a nutty aftertaste of regret before the impending defeat at the immunity challenge.

Immunity began with a box, and ended with a fart.

Sorry, I had chili for dinner.

Back to the game, each tribe received a box, and was instructed to fortify the enemy's box with knots. Personally, if I was on Koror (which I natually would be because I'm not a southern, Muslim, racist with a cute chick, like Ulong), I would have put some of those seas snakes in there. Not the live ones, mind you, but the decapitated ones, just to send a message to the fiorst bastard who reached there weak, non-threatening hand into the flag box to go for Ulong glory. James tepped up, and took the lead on the knot tying. Through the miracle of technology, I have recorded here, the actual thought process in James' head during the fortification of their impenetrable box...

"Loop, swoop, and pull."

Yeah, good plan, James. The challenge went down faster than Coby at one of Richard Hatch's "sexy" parties (gross). The Koror team, using only their weakest players, and Ian, started slow, but had everything under control. Their stick pile looked like, well, a stick pile, whereas Ulong's box was surrounded by a desolate wasteland of tricky knots, and utter confusion. After about 3 minutes, the Koror crew broke through quickly, and took the flag. Meanwhile, James peed on himself, Bobby Jon punched a fish out of rage, Ibrehem mispelled his own name in the sand, while Stephanie worked on the knot, the one in Jeff's pants that is. USING YOUR BODY TO ADVANCE LIKE A GOOD GIRL ZING!! After all was said and done, more was said than done for Ulong, as yet again, they took the walk o' shame to the voting circle jerk, where distrust and multiple votes was in full bloom. Stephanie teetered, and Bobby Jon tottered while James, in his utmost respect to all people and their different beliefs, was asked to leave. Waiting for him on the other side (just off camera) were members of the Black Panters, The Nation of Islam (the violent one, not the passive one), and a pissed off hairdressers union from San Fransisco.

Tom, Ian, Gregg, Katie, Jenn - I figured I would save some time and just say keep doing what you're doing.

Janu - WTF? Is someone hurting you in your sleep sweetie? Was your abusive, alcoholic father a fireman, or a dolphin trainer? What the hell reason do you conjure up to keep crying every freakin' week?!?!? Dammit, even Coby is holding together pretty well, so should you.

Coby - Janu needs your help? I smell a a fabulous makeover for some lucky showgirl!!

Caryn - Please stop eating. The other contributing members of the tribe need their strength.

Ibrehem - Praying helps, but this is probably the one occasion in the history of time where it really doesn't matter at this point.

Bobby Jon - I liked you better all pyscho and hitting stuff. Crazy it up a little.

Stephanie - Nothing smart ass or funny to say about you. You're doing a great job. You have four healthy balls in the palms of your very strong and capable hands. Use them wisely.

James - Apparently, noone every told you this at the clan meetings, but Allah plays golf with your God on the weekends. He made a bet with Allah to see if you'd believe his "my God says he's going home" epiphany he gave you. Dude, you just won Allah $5! Double burn!!!

Pop. poll

CBS has finally gotten off their rich, no nipple showing asses, and updated the website. Tom is no longer #1 in the polls. In fact, he's apparently the only one, climbing to 86% of the pop vote. In a surprise move, Caryn has finally bested Coby as the biggest shitbag on the island with a 35%. Way to not suck as much Coby! NO PUN INTENDED ZING!

Rupert's Corner:
Well, it's the kiddie's pal, and the fishes' nightmare, Rupert B. here to shred another pearl of wisdom from his mighty beard:

"Hiya Survivors! It's me, R.B. No, not Rob from Boston you clever angels. It's Rupert, here to tell you that a stingless jellyfish is what you'll have on your hands if you don't teach your kids to stand up to bullies. There's strength in numbers and you should always find an adult if trouble comes ashore. And if that doesn't work, the instep, ears, throat and groin are all good places to punch a potential attacker. Let 'em rip and make the slip. That's the Rupert B. way!"

Well, the letters keep pouring in at survivorninja@hotmail.com. Unfortunately, they're invisible, so I can't read or reply to them. Please resend your mail, and this time, make it VISIBLE. Thanks for that courtesy.

Tune in next week, when:
1) Yeah, Janu cries
2) Bobby Jon gets a fish, a whole, adult fish! Meanwhile, Tom captures a Sperm whale with his bare hands, and a blindfold on. That Tom, what kinda fireman training made you so deliciously awesome?
3) Ibrehem converts Bobby Jon to Islam, and Stephanie converts Ibrehem to being straight, for once.
4) Ibrehem gets voted out, and forms a group of African American pussies with Rory and Osten, calling themselves "The Hood Bitches!' They travel to ghettos around the US, getting pistol whipped and bitch slapped by every black guy with a pair of nuts that didn't make the show.

Man, I would pay to see that last one, how about you? Send donations to me, and I'll see what I can come up with.

Later, freaknuts!

On a serious note, this SN weekly update is dedicated to Mrs. Betsy Daniels, my high school sophmore English teacher, who passed away March 19th, 2005, here in Savannah, GA. Her love for teaching transcended her own personal trajedies, and made her one of the more memorable teachers I had in high school. Now rejoined with her dearly departed husband, may she find peace at last. Thank you Ms. Daniels. For every hardship, you chose success over defeat. That was your final lesson.


...

Survivor: Palau episode 5 recap

Ulong, you didn’t want that beef stew anyway. It tasted like victory, and you haven’t acquired that taste. LOSING STREAK ZING!!

Week #3, I mean Week #4, I mean Week #5.

Sorry, they’re all starting to look the same.

Guess what? Ulong continues to suck. It’s a little frustrating for Ulong, but then again, Stephanie will probably go on to win the whole damn thing. Kororororor is just resting on their many, many laurels, while Ulong sinks deeper into the bowel of suckitude. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. The only reason why they decided to bring both tribes to council is because they were trying to break up the winning team. Jeff, you can’t stop this tribe with a mere tribal council. All they did was trim the fat, the old, no challenge participating fat, and move on. The only thing that came of the council for Koror was the fact that everyone is starting to rally for position. It could get very interesting if Koror loses, but let’s face the facts. Ulong has no more influence on this game. At 4 to 8, Koror can have two separate teams, one for each challenge, and it will essentially come down to Ulong getting completely wiped out, and having only of their members on the jury. Also, their votes won’t matter because everyone else from Koror will be on the jury, so unless Ulong has some sort of secret android replicants to take their place at the next challenge, we won’t be seeing much of them soon. Thank Rupert for that. Quite frankly, I was tired of all their bitchin’.

The reward (yeah right) challenge was bitter-sweet, and wet. The Ulong group did what they always do, which is collectively pulled their pants down, and ran backwards through a cornfield (if you don’t understand that reference, you’re probably better off not knowing what it means). Ulong had a lead, and hopes were up, until Ibrehem a.k.a. sack of crap helped Koror completely destroy their dreams of winning just once. Did anyone see Jeff give that dissatisfied head shake when Ibrehem started having trouble? I did, and I laughed my ass off! After all that unpleasantness, Ian pretended that he was having trouble swimming, just to give Ulong some help, but it wouldn’t last when Ian took Koror to the promised land, where they have been living comfortably for the last couple of weeks. Ulong cried a little, as did Janu, and the deed was done.

At tribal, it was no secret that Willard was leaving. He knew it, they knew it, and even Jeff knew it. Janu cried, and the tribe had spoken. Willard walked away, very, very slowly. 15 minutes later, he had finally made it to the end of the path, and Ulong came in for their turn. It was then, and only then that Koror was allowed to unveil their meaty reward. Beef stew, root beer, and a roll were the spoils to the victors, and nothing but frustration to the Ulong tribe. If you’ve ever seen Holocaust pictures, one where you see a malnourished, thin, pale, human being, behind a fence, totally defeated in every possible use of the word, that’s what Ulong looked like. It was sad. It was so sad, that I was crying. No, sorry, that was from laughing so hard at the combined rumble from all their stomachs as they smelled the beef stew coming from afar. Man, what a day. The best part was the last part. Koror was given the opportunity to give one member of Ulong individual immunity, which is the only reason why Ibrehem was still there. He’s got tons of muscles and no real strength. I can only describe his luck in getting immunity as divine intervention. On the other hand, Angie wasn’t so fortunate. The votes had come in, Janu cried, and Angie took the walk of shame, the bad kind, not the funny kind.

Tom and Ian - I don’t really need to say anything here, do I?

Gregg – Did you have to tell your biggest secret to the social butterfly? You arse. Now that you’ve told Coby of your alliance with what’s-her-name, he’s 100% positive that you’re not gay, dashing any hopes of him helping you.

Coby – Sorry. You were going to find out about Gregg eventually, I just wish it didn’t have to happen like this. Go cry to Caryn. That way, you give her something to do, and you’ll both be out of the way so the real Koror tribe can keep winning.

Caryn – Uh oh, here comes Coby. I wonder what he wants. Don’t let Janu see him or else she’ll start crying too.

Janu – Ok, now what are you crying about? Just thinking about puppies and world hunger again, huh? Dammit, toughen up, lady!

Stephanie – Hang in there. All you have to do is rally Bobby Jon and Ibrehem via a 3-way makeout session, and you knock James out, for sure.

Ibrehem – Hang in there. All you have to do is rally James and Bobby Jon via a 3-way makeout session, and you knock Stephanie out, for sure.

Bobby Jon – You’re a pretty lucky guy. And I mean lucky not in the respect that you’re doing well, but in the respect that you have 2 first names. That’s pretty lucky.

James – Keep your big, red neck mouth shut and you might just make it to the merge, dummy!

Angie – Your minimal contributions and lots of screaming at the first sign of progress cannot outweigh the fact that you have made more mistakes that you have tattoos. You are worthless, and made it much farther than you should have. And, no, Stephanie most certainly WILL NOT rock the boys.

Pop. Poll
I’ve had connection problems for the last week (Comcast sucks donkey balls!) so I haven’t been able to look at the polls, but I’m willing to bet Rupert’s beard that Tom and Ian are still on top. I’ll even be bold and say that Ibrehem, with his fake muscles, and apparent breast implants, has moved down a couple of notches, but I think James might have hit rock bottom with his gay comments from last week.

Rupert’s Corner
“Ahoy, land lovers! After that debacle with Willard, I think I’ll tell you guys about respect for your elders. You see, elders are like regular people, just older. Teach your children early on to ask them for help. Old folks love it when people continuously ask them if they need assistance, it makes them feel loved and gives them the attention they used to get when they were contributing members of society. And boy, do they have stories! Sometimes, the stories don’t even have an ending, or a point, but those wrinkles bastards love to tell ‘em! Also, please don’t pour cooking oils down the drain. Your kids will thank you later, unless they’ve become convicts because you brought them up never knowing the arts or music. It’s never too late to start!”

Tune in next week when:
1) James devises a plan to simultaneously insult every race and religion in the world at once.
2) Stephanie finally realizes that she’s a woman, and uses her boobs to get what she wants, just like 75% of all the other women in the world!
3) The tribes merge, making Ibrehem the pitcher, and Coby the catcher.
4) Tom smacks Ian for being such a sissy, just like a real father and son.
5) Janu cries for no apparent reason, then for a semi-apparent reason, then for a legitimate reason. Unfortunately, these episodes of crying do not correspond to the reason for the crying, so nobody knows what in the hot, stinking hell she’s doing on Survivor in the first place.

Survivor: Palau episode 4 recap

Well, I'm probably the last person in the world you would hear this from: Coby, you go, girl!

Week #4 fun fact: Homosexuals are naturally strong

Surprise, surprise, surprise. This is more one-sided than a fishing contest against Rupert. Ulong crumbles again as Koror steamrolls the desperately-clinging-to-life Ulong. It's almost not even fun to watch. But then again, yeah right. This is hilarious! Mark Burnett had better play the lotto. Luck is the only thing that can describe picking 20 folks out of tens of thousands of applications, and the powers that be put all the douche bags on one team. Wow. I am shocked and humbled at the awesome power of Koror over Team Super Douche. And anyone who says Tom is carrying them has vastly underestimated the power of a pissed off hairdresser. Put those claws away Coby, your job here is done.

Reward was appropriate. Build a shower and a shitter, and we'll give you some alcohol, so that your bowels get tied in knots from 11 days of wilderness food and booze, and you smell like a bar room floor. Yeah, a shower and a shitter is what you'll need. Apparently James, the self-proclaimed, construction-wise of the group, doesn't have the common sense to put your hygienic area away from your pooping area. Koror had already won, but I know Coby was itching to add some fuzzy floor mats and scented candles to their bathroom ensemble. It was eating at him, like Queer Eye for the Straight Tribe. Ulong, thinking their "stall graffiti" had won the challenge, waited patiently for a boat that would never come. Koror, on the other hand, could care less, and told Jeff, "Just put it over there. We'll get to our new hut when we're done being so damn good at everything."

Immunity was fun to watch for everyone, except for the Steelworkers' Union of Alabama, where they are now one less member. A pillow fight? A gay guy? They were born for that kinda thing! Tom took Bobby Jon, and showed him that crazy only gets you so far. Ibrehem scored one point, and thought he was the hardest black man on the planet (Coincidentally, if you look at their pictures online without reading their names or bios, 9 times out of 10, I bet Ibrehem would be pegged as the gay guy. He does spend a lot of time in the gym, huh James?) Caryn was a flop, as was Janu, or as they shall collectively be called from now on, the Worthless Twins. Willard was the winner of all the Koror losers, simply because he didn't participate. Atta boy, Willard!

Ian - Son of a carpenter. Lived on a farm. Now, trains dolphins. Whoever saw that coming should go in on a lotto ticket with Mark.

Gregg - You still look like a gay Joe Millionaire, but at least you have street cred for stepping up at the immunity challenge.

Tom - What can I say that thousands of adoring fans haven't already said? One thing actually: Please, bitch-slap Caryn.

Coby - What gym do you go to, and how gay do you have to be to get a membership?

Katie - Good, um... I mean, great job on... uh, yeah.

Janu - Eat something, please. The producers are starting to get worried.

Caryn - How did you not get picked for Ulong again?

Willard - Same question

Stephanie - If you were any more of a man, you'd be Ibrehem.

James - I actually read your thesis on the correlation between homosexuality and strength in males ages 25-40. Seriously, folks, he did the research on this. Those comments weren't just ignorant redneck ramblings.

Bobby Jon - I stick to my original views: You're a walking time bomb.

Angie - Yeah, we know you can probably hammer a nail; it's your aim we doubt. I mean, you've already put holes in your ears, nose, lips, nipples, and clitoris. How bad at hammering are you? REVERSE PRINCE ALBERT ZING!!!

Ibrehem - Alright, slugger, you got one point on someone who is roughly 50 lbs lighter than you. You're no Hercules, so I'd save the comments for fear of looking more like a douche bag (that's tonight's theme, if you haven't figured it out yet.)

Kim - Jeff was your crutch, and you just fell on you face. I bet you regret not paddling a little more, or gathering more firewood now, huh? Nothing's worse than a douche bag, except for a lazy douche bag.

Pop. Poll
It's too soon to check the polls at CBS.com, but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that Tom is #1 with a freakin' bullet. I'll also predict that Coby gained a little ground tonight in the public eye. I'll also stretch and say that James dropped a couple notches due to his comments on the gay community, and their passion for body building.

Rupert's Corner
"Ninja, no need for intros this time. I'll just get straight into it. Why the hell aren't they doing any fishing challenges this season? I mean, they must have had at least 15 or so challenges during my first run where one member was elected (it was usually me for my sea skills) to go out and catch as many fish as possible. What, Jeff? Whadda ya mean there was no fishing challenges? Johnny Fairplay tricked me into getting fish for the tribe? That's absurd! Jeff, you should be ashamed for saying stuff like that about Johnny Fair...oh, dammit. Why was I so blind?!?!?"

Well, Rupert's upset now. Look what you did, Jeff. Please, folks, tell
Rupert it's alright. Please write to survivorninja@hotmail.com and let the old sea dog know that it's not his fault that he trusts everyone.

Tune in next week when:
1) James says something about Ibrehem being naturally able to work long days in the sun because of the times when "his people" were slaves. We're gonna miss James.
2) Stephanie challenges Angie to a contest to see who can have sex with a Ulong guy first to guarantee that at least one of them presents a reason to be kept around.
3) Ibrehem wins the contest (gross)
4) Tom, Ian, and Gregg take turns telling each other how great they are. Janu tried to join in, but just ends up crying.
5) The producers of Survivor realize that Kim wasn't supposed to be cast. She's not a douche bag, she's a lump of crap; they go on Amazing Race. ROB AND AMBER ZING!

Well, it may be short, but it’s definitely not completely unsweet.

Back to the motel like N2Deep (Seriously, Motel 6 is so comfortable, and super cheap!)

Douche bag tally (including that one): 6

Survivor: Palau episode 3 recap

1 injured Jeff = Kim

Actually, 1 injured Jeff = 3 or 4 Kims

I believe in miracles. Where you from, you sexy Week 3?

So, apparently Kororororororor is now dabbling in snake hunting and shark wrestling. Meanwhile, Bobby Joke, I mean, Jon is shooting the sling at fish almost as big as his thumb. If he keeps it up, he'll have a meal by the time everyone merges. NO FISHING SKILL ZING! Honestly, the only way Ulong will take the immunity momentum from the freight train that is Koror, is if Koror throws a challenge to get rid of someone (similar to the Pearl Islands disaster). I very much doubt they will do that because there is no friction in Koror aside from Caryn feeling like a useless wrinkle bag, but, let's face it, Willard holds that title right now.

Getting back to this snake/shark thing, what in the hell is Ian thinking? I mean, you chum the water with snake's blood, then wade out near a shark, and try and put all 100lbs of your body weight behind a pointy stick? Um, you're supposed to be the most knowledgeable in the group about aquatic animals and you can't do the math? Damn, what do you train dolphins to do, not take commands? If Rupert were there, he'd show you a thing or two about shark hunter, or as he likes to call it, "falling off a log."

Reward challenge (about half that name is true) was a shut-out. Ulong's fight for a victory was overshadowed by the fact that they got a sewing kit. The challenge itself made me mad. There was so much potential for totally taking someone down that these people forgot that they could take out some serious aggressions on other people. If I was Gregg, Angie and Booby Jon would have been dog food, and I would have let Janu take the ring. Speaking of really skinny, useless people, Janu isn't looking too good. How can that women be an emotional wreck about everything she does? Choosing a tribe, swimming, eating, sleeping. Is there anything she won't cry about?

Immunity was fun for everyone. LA Jeff is an idiot. He had to pee-pee in the middle of the night, so instead of going in the ocean, like millions of fish do everyday, he decides to go inland to the pre-destined bathroom facility, or the "shittin' hole" as James calls it, and he steps on a coconut and rolls his ankle. WTF? You would think a person would maybe try and take some form of light with him through a dark, tropical island that is riddled with no less than 17 different ways to kill you. Not LA Jeff. I guess "seeing through the darkness" is for pussy losers, and real men don't do that kinda stuff. Well, how's your ankle, jerk? I hope it's broken in two, no, three pieces!

Where was I? Oh yeah, immunity challenge was actually pretty interesting. Weighed bags to hinder your progress, but enough about Willard, there were these backpacks filled with sand that everyone had to lug around. LA Jeff dropped out quick and watched as his team folded like a cheap suit. Is it just me, or are Ibreham's muscles for show only? I mean, he's the living definition of "cosmetic muscle". He got all those bumps, but not where it counts. NO TESTICLES ZING! The day ran on, the packs got heavy, but in the end, Tom's persistence, and Ian's long arms gave Koror the victory.

Jeff, in a shocking heroic version of an Osten move, told everyone to vote him off. Bobby Jon tried to rally everyone against Kim. Bobby Jon rationale was that Jeff, with a messed up ankle is better than Kim, who is perfectly healthy. That's the best thing I heard all week. Kim is a lump of crap, hands down. You can't defend and argument like that. Anyway, Bobby tried, but failed, and everyone went with Jeff, which will now make Kim a lump of crap, who will now be cold at nights, unless James has something to say about it. On second thought, he'll probably let her freeze if given the option.

Caryn - Quit your bitching. You're complaining more than the hair dresser, and he's the biggest wimp out here.

Coby - Come on! It was only a 20 lbs bag! You've had guys heavier than that on your back. GAY SEX ZING!

Gregg - You can't let tattooed women push you around. Don't take any shit from anybody. By the way, you look like a retarded Joe Millionaire

Tom - Damn, you're a bad-ass. That's about all I can say about you for now.

Ian - Eat something for Rupert's sake, you're starting to look like Janu.

Janu - Don't wear stripes around Koror camp. the way you're looking, they'll mistake you for one of the snakes WEAK BUT DID IT TO HAVE FOUR ZINGS IN ONE REVIEW ZING!

Katie - Um, I'm sorry. How long have you been here? I just noticed you were here. That's weird.

Willard - Sorry, I didn't mean to get in your face while you were sleeping. I thought you were dead.

Jennifer - You had better start making yourself noticeable. Dammit, at least people know who Coby is, and he hasn't done anything out of the ordinary.

Ibreham - You've spent countless hours at the gym, and got no exercise. What a waste of clean water you are.

Stephanie - I've noticed that for 3 weeks straight you have preached to get someone voted off, and for 3 weeks straight, you've changed your mind to go with the majority, even if you disagree with it. Man, what a great wife you'd make. You can yell at me all day long, but in the end, you're going to do what I say.

...did death do us part, I do.

Kim - Good luck not getting voted off next week. FYI: Don't ever say, "I'm tired of this game." at tribal council. Have you seen my list of things not to say? Well, you should ask around if you haven't.

Angie - Yeah, you're helping a little, but don't get too excited. You may last till the merge, but then you got to go up against all those people that hate you.

Bobby Jon - Don't be such a psycho. Quit yelling. What are you trying to prove, that waiters can be tough? Get over yourself. I find that the people who work the hardest are usually the ones with the least to contribute to the tribe. If you were truly valuable, you could do a lot less, and still get recognition.

James - Holy hell, son! Git those sons of bitches in order!

Jeff - Yeah, I know, your ankle. You dummy. You just threw away what was looking at a real good shot at $1 million because you're not coordinated enough to walk to the bathroom. Ouch.

Poll Update:
It's getting a little obvious at this point, but Tom, now up to a staggering 86% of the popular vote, is trailed by Ian, at 78%. Coming a close 3rd is Bobby Jon, the Alabama Psycho, at 74%, and Coby, is now officially the least favored to be sole survivor. Surprise, surprise, surprise.

Rupert's Corner:
The man that needs no introduction, just a tank top, and a smile:
"GIMME YOUR SHOES, OR I'LL BEAT YA! Just kidding, friends. It's me, Rupert B., here to tell you that Bobby Jon is not my friend. Did you see his Hawaiian sling technique? It's an abomination! No one uses a sling like that, not on my planet. What if kids were watching? They could get themselves hurt copying him, or worse...they could grow up to be psycho waiters! Man, if Bobby Jon is the reason a kid gets hurt, I will personally close down Alabama, permanently! No, my mind's made up. I'll do it if he gets out of line one more time. And please, teach a child to appreciate classical music. They thank you later for it!"

...and I'm spent. Thanks for continuing to read this crap. Tune in next week when:
1) Koror finally realizes they have all these poison snake heads lying around and nothing to do with them. Good thing next challenge is a food challenge.
2) Ian trains a shark to bring them fish, while Tom smelts a skillet, and Gregg finishes the motor for their canoe. Meanwhile, Ulong tries to not get in the way of Bobby Jon's wild sling antics.
3) Janu and Willard have a contest to see who can have the smallest, yet droopiest boobs.
4) After the episode, Rupert Boneham closes Alabama; no one knows why.

SN update - Alumni

Yeah, it's me.

Yeah, it's not Friday.

Just thought I would comment on some alumni of ours.

Jenna and Ethan, the half-ugly, wholely-rich, down syndrome version of Rob and Amber, appeared on Fear Factor: Reality Stars Monday night with the likes of Omarosa, some Bachelorette reject, an Amazing Race winner, and an American Idol reject. How in the world are you going to put losers like Omarosa and some pink haired "I'm no Rueben" person along with two (not just one, 2!) sole survivors? I mean, these people lived over a month on a deserted island TWICE in their lifetimes, and you're putting them up against a guy who didn't get married, a girl who didn't get a record contract, and a women who didn't get a job. Wow, these folks will be tough to go up against. Believe or not, both our survivors were beaten by the Bachelorette guy. Yeah, how embarassing is that? What do you tell Rupert when he sees you at the meetings (the super secret Survivor alumni meetings where Mark Burnett gives you candy, and a job guest appearing at an opening of a Radio Shack in Duluth, MN, that's what meetings.)? Man, that's gotta be a burn. I mean, I could sleep at night if the Amazing Race guy had won, but no, it would have to be the one who's sole qualification for being on Fear Factor that episode was that he didn't get married. How do you live with yourself, Ethan? Oh yeah, your Grass Roots Soccor crap. I forgot; How stupid of me to ask. And Jenna, well, someone should confront you about your lose on your Survivor Live show on Friday afternoon. Do I have any takers? Please, someone catch her on this!

As long as you're thinking of Amazing Race, yeah, I'm going to talk about them. Rob and Amber, the couple that nobody cares about is at it again. Apparently, CBS contractual stipulations say that because Rob was also a contestant in Survivor, he's not allowed to touch the money that Amber won. It could be seen as a "payoff" for letting Amber win, and she could potentially lose the money if that happened. So, what do you do when you're 15 mintues of fame is at 14:59? You go on another show and try to win your own million dollars! Yes, Mark felt so bad for their situation (either that or he bought the rights to their wedding, and the honeymoon) that he let them try their hand at Amazing Race. I'm sure that their audition was thoroughly considered. In all actuality, it probably went like this:

Mark Burnett - Hello?

Boston Rob - Yeah, this is Boston Rob. GO SOX!!

MB - Oh, hey Rob. What's up? You have another Red Sox hat you want me to auction on E-bay for you?

BR - Nah, I need some money. I can't touch Amber's What do I do? SOX RULE!!

MB - Well, there's always All Stars 2?

BR - No, that's too far away. I'm trying to buy Amber's wedding ring. It's got all the Sox' names engraved on it. You know, real romantic like.

MB - Well, how about Amazing Race?

BR - Ok, what do I need to do?

MB - Do you want to be in it?

BR - Hell freakin' yeah!

MB - Ok, you're in.

BR - Sweet. Thanks Mark.

MB - No problem, Rob.

BR - That's Boston Rob.

MB - Whatever.

So you see, it was a ver entricate and time-consuming audition process.

Anyway, back to the point. These two dirt bags used their pseudo stardom to sucker some vacationing douchebag into helping them gain the lead on the competition. What a couple of arses! It just pissed me off, that's all.

So, there you go. Want more of a reason to hate Rob, then tune in every week to Amzaing Race to fuel your fire or rage!

You can get back to the rest of your week now.