Survivor: Palau episode 4 recap

Well, I'm probably the last person in the world you would hear this from: Coby, you go, girl!

Week #4 fun fact: Homosexuals are naturally strong

Surprise, surprise, surprise. This is more one-sided than a fishing contest against Rupert. Ulong crumbles again as Koror steamrolls the desperately-clinging-to-life Ulong. It's almost not even fun to watch. But then again, yeah right. This is hilarious! Mark Burnett had better play the lotto. Luck is the only thing that can describe picking 20 folks out of tens of thousands of applications, and the powers that be put all the douche bags on one team. Wow. I am shocked and humbled at the awesome power of Koror over Team Super Douche. And anyone who says Tom is carrying them has vastly underestimated the power of a pissed off hairdresser. Put those claws away Coby, your job here is done.

Reward was appropriate. Build a shower and a shitter, and we'll give you some alcohol, so that your bowels get tied in knots from 11 days of wilderness food and booze, and you smell like a bar room floor. Yeah, a shower and a shitter is what you'll need. Apparently James, the self-proclaimed, construction-wise of the group, doesn't have the common sense to put your hygienic area away from your pooping area. Koror had already won, but I know Coby was itching to add some fuzzy floor mats and scented candles to their bathroom ensemble. It was eating at him, like Queer Eye for the Straight Tribe. Ulong, thinking their "stall graffiti" had won the challenge, waited patiently for a boat that would never come. Koror, on the other hand, could care less, and told Jeff, "Just put it over there. We'll get to our new hut when we're done being so damn good at everything."

Immunity was fun to watch for everyone, except for the Steelworkers' Union of Alabama, where they are now one less member. A pillow fight? A gay guy? They were born for that kinda thing! Tom took Bobby Jon, and showed him that crazy only gets you so far. Ibrehem scored one point, and thought he was the hardest black man on the planet (Coincidentally, if you look at their pictures online without reading their names or bios, 9 times out of 10, I bet Ibrehem would be pegged as the gay guy. He does spend a lot of time in the gym, huh James?) Caryn was a flop, as was Janu, or as they shall collectively be called from now on, the Worthless Twins. Willard was the winner of all the Koror losers, simply because he didn't participate. Atta boy, Willard!

Ian - Son of a carpenter. Lived on a farm. Now, trains dolphins. Whoever saw that coming should go in on a lotto ticket with Mark.

Gregg - You still look like a gay Joe Millionaire, but at least you have street cred for stepping up at the immunity challenge.

Tom - What can I say that thousands of adoring fans haven't already said? One thing actually: Please, bitch-slap Caryn.

Coby - What gym do you go to, and how gay do you have to be to get a membership?

Katie - Good, um... I mean, great job on... uh, yeah.

Janu - Eat something, please. The producers are starting to get worried.

Caryn - How did you not get picked for Ulong again?

Willard - Same question

Stephanie - If you were any more of a man, you'd be Ibrehem.

James - I actually read your thesis on the correlation between homosexuality and strength in males ages 25-40. Seriously, folks, he did the research on this. Those comments weren't just ignorant redneck ramblings.

Bobby Jon - I stick to my original views: You're a walking time bomb.

Angie - Yeah, we know you can probably hammer a nail; it's your aim we doubt. I mean, you've already put holes in your ears, nose, lips, nipples, and clitoris. How bad at hammering are you? REVERSE PRINCE ALBERT ZING!!!

Ibrehem - Alright, slugger, you got one point on someone who is roughly 50 lbs lighter than you. You're no Hercules, so I'd save the comments for fear of looking more like a douche bag (that's tonight's theme, if you haven't figured it out yet.)

Kim - Jeff was your crutch, and you just fell on you face. I bet you regret not paddling a little more, or gathering more firewood now, huh? Nothing's worse than a douche bag, except for a lazy douche bag.

Pop. Poll
It's too soon to check the polls at CBS.com, but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that Tom is #1 with a freakin' bullet. I'll also predict that Coby gained a little ground tonight in the public eye. I'll also stretch and say that James dropped a couple notches due to his comments on the gay community, and their passion for body building.

Rupert's Corner
"Ninja, no need for intros this time. I'll just get straight into it. Why the hell aren't they doing any fishing challenges this season? I mean, they must have had at least 15 or so challenges during my first run where one member was elected (it was usually me for my sea skills) to go out and catch as many fish as possible. What, Jeff? Whadda ya mean there was no fishing challenges? Johnny Fairplay tricked me into getting fish for the tribe? That's absurd! Jeff, you should be ashamed for saying stuff like that about Johnny Fair...oh, dammit. Why was I so blind?!?!?"

Well, Rupert's upset now. Look what you did, Jeff. Please, folks, tell
Rupert it's alright. Please write to survivorninja@hotmail.com and let the old sea dog know that it's not his fault that he trusts everyone.

Tune in next week when:
1) James says something about Ibrehem being naturally able to work long days in the sun because of the times when "his people" were slaves. We're gonna miss James.
2) Stephanie challenges Angie to a contest to see who can have sex with a Ulong guy first to guarantee that at least one of them presents a reason to be kept around.
3) Ibrehem wins the contest (gross)
4) Tom, Ian, and Gregg take turns telling each other how great they are. Janu tried to join in, but just ends up crying.
5) The producers of Survivor realize that Kim wasn't supposed to be cast. She's not a douche bag, she's a lump of crap; they go on Amazing Race. ROB AND AMBER ZING!

Well, it may be short, but it’s definitely not completely unsweet.

Back to the motel like N2Deep (Seriously, Motel 6 is so comfortable, and super cheap!)

Douche bag tally (including that one): 6