Survivor: Vanuatu episode 13 recap

Well, mutha f#%$in', son of a b!%$&, f&#@in' Twila dodged a mutha f%^&in'
bullet, f$%#er!!

week #13 has been edited for television

Tune in next week when:

See ya!

now the uncensored version:

Sadly, as the cast gets smaller, so do the reviews. One more to go until
after the Super Bowl (I hope). Let's not look forward in regret, but instead
look back in appreciation that there was no pointless recap episode.

Wow, Twila has some potty mouth, huh? I guess it's true what they say,
"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone." Twila had some choice
words (well not a big choice; some started with 'f', some started with 'sh')
for Eliza when camp returned one Ami down. Tension mounted as Scout dodged
the attention of the groups yet again. Does everyone really want to bring
her into the final two? Does she really have no street cred with the jury?
All I know is Chris lost Julie's vote, and any chance of getting in her
pants (I think the whole "sister" thing was just to get him in the mood).
Eliza also relapsed into her split personality and started see-sawing. Chris
almost caught the bug, too, but Twila had his nuts buried with the bananas,
so he wasn't going anywhere.

Reward challenge was the we've-ran-outta-ideas challenge, also known as the
second-chance challenge. The fierce 5 had to redo the challenges that they
all sucked at. What do they get for reliving their failures? A horsey ride.
What the fudge? Hot dogs, beer, and a horsey ride. Ok, the volcano was kewl,
but I would have asked for a dune buggy, or a Land Rover, or something.
You've been roughing it for over a month, and you get a ride that doesn't
feel like crossing a stream. 4 wheel drive wouldn't wander aimlessly in the
middle of the stream. Cheap CBS bastards!

Immunity was interesting as well. Did you really need to solve the puzzle to
guess which bag had the white tusks in it? Nimble Eliza won the game, and
assured herself a final 4 seat. That left Julie to scrounge up 2 votes,
which she would have had if Chris was sexually interested in women. Chris
downfall was that he apparently doesn't like girls, which explains why he
kept Twila and Scout. Chris' best move was during tribal when he never once
said "I'm the deciding vote". This kept him in the game, and unfortunately
let one of the two pieces of eye candy go home. Aside from that, is it just
me, or did Ami get back to her Playboy weight? JURY ZING!!!

Eliza: What can I say? You're doing fine as long as you keep wearing that
necklace. You know you're screwed if you don't (and I don't mean in the icky
Scout way).

Scout: Quit trying to screw Eliza in that icky Scout way.

Twila: I swear on your son's life that you won't win the million.

Chris: How in the ever-living hell are you still there? That is the single
greatest Survivor mystery I have ever seen.

Julie: Too much appeal, not enough sex. You coulda had Chris in the palm of
your hand. Unfortunately for him, he only has himself in the palm of his
hand. MANUAL RELEASE ZING!!!

Well, Sunday is the end. 2 hours of Eliza bitching, Twila cussing, Chris
thinking (for once), and Scout aging.

I have no clue what will happen on Sunday. so here's what won't happen:
1) B-Rob shows up and proposes to Twila
2) Rory says something meaningful and useful, and Ami agrees with him
3) Bubba shows up wearing an ALex Trebek shirt
4) Scout wins the million, pulls of his mask and reveals, JOHNNY FAIRPLAY,
Master of Illusion and Misdirection!!!