Survivor: Guatemala episode 6 recap

A little beer goes a long way, especially if your Judd's mouth

Week #6 or Budweiser makes Judd dumber.

Golden boy got a little cocky, and his alliance saw this. Gary, Amy, and Brian were happy about the face value to the other tribe that the Blake exodus would have. Let's hope that pans out for them. As Yaxha worried about the ramifications of Blake's demise, Nakum, fought the invisible terrors. No, not rafe's sneaky "night hands", were talking bugs. Margaret stayed depressed about Brooke's leave, and it shows in everything she does, or rather, everything she doesn’t do. Her stock dropped seriously when Judd went AWOL on her hopes and dreams, and she's making herself a target. Glad to see that, Rupert willing, we won't see another Scout scenario, where
someone very undeserving gets to the top of the heap.

The challenge was both reward and immunity. An old fashioned, backyard cookout was the reward. The loser got nothing. What's that Jeff? There's more? You bet your sweet little buff there is! The winning team would compete in individual immunity. Why, Jeff? Because you're all going to tribal tonight, bitches! Both tribes would be going to council, and the one wearing immunity would be able to sit in on the losing team's last moments together. I love this game. The challenge itself involved pushing a huge
ball through the opposing team's goal, kinda like a retarded football. Judd should be good at this. SHORT BUS ZING! 2 on 2 action as the ball get handled. Yeah, I know the obvious joke would be to point out Rafe and Brian's experience with ball handling, but I'm not going there? Or did I already? Anyway, things looked kinda scary when Judd and Jamie bested BJ and Brandon. A celebratory scream from Jamie threw BJ in a "hissy fit" as it were, and the two of them were in each other's faces. BJ smelt the tenacity on Jamie, and Jamie smelt Brian's anus on BJ. ALWAYS A GAY JOKE ZING! Bj's tribe was confused, but not so much when they realized that it was BJ, and not some sane, rational human being. Steph and Judd took on Gary and Amy, or the "dying hopes" alliance. Amy hurt her ankle, AGAIN, and had to tough it out. Jeff could have cared less, but then again, he IS Jeff, and he has been doing this stuff for a while.* Amy immediately had to compete again, and she and Danni took it to Cindy and Margaret, showing conclusively that Cindy and Danni are equal, and that Margaret is less useful than an injured Amy. Figures. Judd and Jamie again took it to the promise land when they won it for Nakum. Yaxha left with visions of burgers swimming through their heads, and Nakum stayed to go through a physical, puzzle challenge. A word scramble, a staple in every season, was the determining factor. Judd, in a surprise move, couldn't figure out the puzzle (not that part; no shit Judd couldn't figure it out), when he helped Rafe solve the puzzle, and take the immunity. That really only helped Judd, because he showed his pride in his new alliance. Rafe didn't benefit because he was in no real threat of being sent home, and the only real intel he would bring back from the council of Yaxha would be how their outfits didn't match their shoes.

Jamie recapped his BJ encounter. It was dismissed as being crazy BJ again. Bj recalled the incident as Jamie being a bad winner, and that he had no rope cutting ability. Let it go, BJ, just let it go. Amy's ankle is being held on by only skin, and BJ worried about Jamie’s celebrating? What a poon! Discussion continued at Yaxha about who to hose, and theories emerged. Brian's name came up, as well as injured Amy. Brian's the smarter player, and could fend for himself. On the other hand, Amy needs Gary to survive. Biggest leech I've ever seen. Seriously, I accidentally changed the channel to Discover, and saw a huge leech, but Amy sucks equally as well. The Nakum tribe had less to be worried about, their main concern was who drank all the beers. Judd's favors and Judd's math left him to a majority of the sweet,
sweet nectar, and it would bite him in the ass later. Margaret used the opportunity to pick at Judd's confused state to make him look like a brute to the rest of the tribe. Margaret threw around the word, conundrum, but Judd told them he doesn't know how to play the drums, so he couldn't have drank the most beers. What a trooper he is! He deserved it, Margaret, You had hot dogs and hamburgers, right Margaret? Well, Judd got that for you....and Jamie...and the rest of the tribe that worked hard. Pretty much everyone except Cindy and Lydia, who are constantly not involved due to their lack of physical prowess. Well, at least she can fish... I mean, she can cut
fruit. Yeah, she can cut the hell outta some fruit.

Tribal was rough for Nakum. Judd's rosey cheeks set the pace for his soon-to-come outbursts. He gave his "damn" all, and was a good sportsmanship, man. That's what he's doing man, that's what he's doing. Judd would continue to spout "sportsmanship", "damn", and "man" for the duration of the conversation. Margaret got the best of him and allowed him to persistently interrupt and accuse and intimidate the others. Rafe felt the blunt of Judd's drunken wrath. What did he have to worry about? He had
freakin' immunity! Nothing Judd said was going to get to him. With all her poking and targeting, Margaret still got the boot, leaving Cindy open for a near future dismissal. We'll have to wait to see how it happens from here. Cindy's best action was to vote for Margaret. That might give her enough cool points to survive.

Yaxha, on the other hand, had a strong group, and the numbers of old vs new were even, 3 on 3. Bobby Jon was immediately asked about the confrontation with Jamie, and BJ, of course, had a lame answer. "I'm from the South" only works when you're in the South, BJ. Brian was referred to as a "kamikaze who can bust a wedge" by the wordsmith that is Bobby Jon. They all had strong words of humiliation and respect for him, which would sway us to feel sorry for Amy's soon departure. Jeff, smelling this in the air (that's Bj you smell, Jeff) prodding for feelings of Amy's injury. Jeff has a knack for pointing out weakness when decisions are being made. Jeff threw another curve when he allowed Rafe to give one Yaxha member immunity. Of course, it
would be kept secret until the votes were read. Go with his fellow gaymate, or go for something else, maybe a hurt Amy, or a smelling fine ex-QB? Who would know, Rafe would? Who would care? Brian should. With all the compliments and the pats on his back, Brian got the ramrod of reality as he was rode hard and put up wet. Rafe gave immunity to Gary. I guess love conquers all...Brian's hopes and dreams. Cryin' Brian had a good shot at winning, and left a true gentleman. I was sad to see him go, but loved to watch him leave. Look at that ass! Wait! Damn, I gotta stop typing
everything I think. Cheesecake would be good right now. Damn, there I go again!

Jamie - Dude, don't let BJ get in your face. You already saw what he did to Blake's hand. You want that on your face? I didn't think so.

BJ - Quit touching people with your pee hand. It's gross.

Steph - Bad luck, no more. Hello medium luck!

Cindy - Good move on the Marge vote, but watch your back, you Jack Hannah wannabe!

Judd - When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life gives you beer, you drink it AFTER a tribal council, dummy. You almost lost you ass on that one.

Rafe - When life gives you crap, don't drink what you can make from it
That'd be crap-a-nade for our slower fans!

Gary - Doing well, but how's your back. Must get tired from carrying Amy.

Amy - Either saw that hurt f^(%er off, or keep going. It's just going to get worse.

Danni - Way to not suck so much

Rafe - Same thing, but in a different way (Judd's getting the milk for free; make him commit!).

Brandon - Thank you for not making a farm reference for an entire episode, freak!

Lydia - Sandra did it. Chris did it. You can, too. Less talking, though. Someone will notice you're there.

Pop Poll

Yeah, Steph still.

Rupert's corner:
I have his poster above my bed. My wife's pissed. Here's Rupert:
"You know gay guys aren't bad, just bad to people's butts. Why can't they just do women in the rump and be done with it? That'd cure that problem! Damn, I wish I was your lover...I love that song!"

Short, but short. Rupe hit another Grand Slam! Please, send your e-mails with suggestions, hate mail, concerns, questions, and cooking recipes to survivorninja@hotmail.com. The winner of the "Best Hate Mail" contest will get a cookie, a middle-finger cookie! BIRD TO YOU HATERS ZING!

*I had to mention this because it grows heavy in my heart. Jeff Probst, the hair do that woed Rock 'n Roll Jeopardy, and has been the face of Survivor for all this time is thinking of calling it quits. He wants to persue other ventures, and needs some QT with Julie. Can you blame him? He's famous, and she's marginally interesting! E-mail me with who you think would make a suitable replacement, past survivor, or otherwise, and I'll run a poll in the following reviews. At the end of the season, I'll write a letter to Mark
Burnett telling him our choice. Not the "Survivor" Mark Burnett, but the one in Longmont, CO. Maybe he knows our Mark, and can talk to him. www.whitepages.com can be fun!

See ya later (whether you like it or not, dammit!)