Survivor: Guatemala episode 4 recap

We got spirit, yes we do. We got spirit, how about you?

No. Well, how about a new tribe? you got that?

Week #4 or "All work and no play makes Judd a dull boy"

Nakum tries to beat the heat by laying around and swatting flies. Yaxha, on the other hand, is up and running at all times. Maybe that's why they're doing so well. Maybe Gary's just working harder than everyone to try and get away from Rafe. It has a creepy Ian-Tom feel to it, doesn't it? Only something's really awkward about it. I'm uneasy watching Rafe doodle on his binder cover: "I "heart" Gary" and "Gary and Rafe - Best Friends Forever"

Yeah, it's that serious.

Reward challenge was neither a reward nor a challenge. The cast got to take a break from 114 degree heat and answer some questions to help their tribe.
Jeff asked questions, and based on their answers members got little perks for being smelly and hungry. Food, of course is always welcome, but a freakin' apple? Thanks, Jeff, you're generosity is endless. As for a free shower, Nakum voted for Bobby Jon, because he really stinks (metaphorically) and Yaxha voted for Gary because they wanted to see him lather up (homosexually). Brian and Rafe have never worked together so well to date. I WANNA KISS HIS CRUSTY LIPS ZING!

Wait, did I just say that out loud, or did I think that?

Anyway, the big kick in the pants was the question about pride. Brian, the cheerleader for Yaxha, was the natural choice, and Cindy, the keeper of the zoo known as Nakum were chosen. The rest were swapped into the other tribe.
Brooke was odd person out when she stayed with Nakum. No big help there.
Judd, Gary, Margaret, and Amy enjoyed chicken and tea while Gary dodged football questions. Again, he shit himself, and it will haunt him later.
Judd shit himself, too, but for much less significant reasons (he's just lazy).

Brian got to formally meet his new tribe by offering BJs at half price (friends and family discount). Gary and Amy were greeted by some new faces upon their return. Amy, took the opportunity to use the word "decimated" and a lot of cussing. Gary pooped once again when he was greeted by the devilish smile from the sports caster. He did grin once, but that was only when Brian fulfilled his promise of sniffed the hell out of him when he returned.

Nakum was a different story. They had 4 of each old Nakum and old Yaxha, making for a quick rallying of the troops. Judd's battlecry of "who cares" was easily detected on Steph's Survivor radar which she immediately pounced upon when the time was right. A quick trip away from the group let Steph and Jamie talk game and see how Judd could be used to help their situation. Judd and Steph's Jersey bond was found to be a strong point, and a good excuse when frantic Margaret starting questioning his absence from his former members. What a great play on their part. Rafe was excited at the opportunity to finally talk about shoe shopping and braid someone's hair.

BJ and Blake shared a pee, and a strategy meeting. A quick handshake (sic) arranged the pact of former tribe loyalty. Any part of BJ's body that's touched his "man missile" is the last thing I'd wanna touch. Amy's ankle was feeling better, and looking worse, but her cop instincts told her to keep pressing instead of showing weakness. Oh, and she was craving doughnuts, real bad.

Immunity was a row and a clubs throw away. After retrieving some clubs from three floating platforms, and playing some bumper boats, the tribes returned to the beach for the staple "flying weird objects into tiles" portion of the challenge. What did the tiles ever do to deserve such ridicule on national television? My bathroom is boycotting the rest of the season until CBS writes an apology. Judd's manhood was at danger, so he just kept throwing, and throwing...and throwing. No aim and a tired poo-slinging arm would be Nakum's downfall. Brandon bagged the last tile, setting up an interesting tribal. Now, the 4 v 4 tribe would be put to the test.

A restless Nakum did some more politicking for an extra member to go one way from either side. The long, loser walk home was very foreshadowing, as the three founding Nakum girls talked, and Judd was nowhere to be found. He was busy not caring, and smelling of crusted feces and being persuaded into joining a winning team. How could he refuse? I'm surprised he didn't go after Margaret, seeing she's the leader of the girls, and she has pissed Judd off numerous times before. Even after Judd and Margaret's conversation, she was really talking down to him. Which couldn't have worked out any better. The best part, a random shot of a monkey scratching himself during their conversation was, by far, the best "random surroundings shot to increase a sense of wilderness survival" scene. Judd's instincts did warn him not to trust the new Nakum, because he would be a minority among the strength of the tribe. His loyalty that night would seal his life in the game. Wow, I got really deep just now. Penguins like to smoke, but only on weekends.

There, that balanced that out.

Tribal was fun, because Jeff took no time in pointing out Steph's track record. He basically called her a broken mirror, under a ladder, on Friday the 13th; with a black cat...you get the point. She's a melting pot of bad luck omens. Lydia tried to convince everyone that she actually has strength. If that bluff actually works, she should stop mongering fish, and start playing poker. Brooke had a moment of enlightenment that the strong survive.
Wow, how profound of you, useless tribe member. Judd, was kinda long-winded, indicative of nervousness. Imagine that. All that "bad ass" persona went right out the window after a simple question. Good thing you're needed, you freakin' puppet. All things say and done, more was said than done, and Brooke took the fall on a close vote.

Steph - 1) Find rabbit, 2) cut off its feet, 3) Ask the rabbit how lucky it feels

Judd - You thought Margaret was bad at being a leader, try following Steph around, especially with her new rabbit foot necklace. She looks ridiculous!

Margaret - Uh oh. Someone's in trouble. Hell to the yeah, it's you.

Cindy - Just keep spouting animal facts, and helping as much as you can. You might get past next week.

Jamie - Good work, dude. Keep flying low, and you'll make it to the big show. But just make sure it's not lower than Lydia (she's short)

Lydia - Minnows do not a good meal make. Aren't little fish also considered bait? I thought you'd know that. FISH MONGER MY ASS ZING!

Gary - Everyone knows. We all know. They all know. It's out in the open. Please see Brian about closets and being out of them.

Brian - For the love of Hatch, would you just stop sniffing people!

Danni - Gary knows you know. We know you know. Stop glowing.

Rafe - Your sewing circle just got a member smaller.

BJ - Critics and survivors agree. You stink.

Blake - No amount of hand washing will get your self-esteem back, or make the smell go away.

Pop. Poll

No change here. Surprise.

Rupert's corner
Let's see what kinda mood his beard is letting him be in. Here he is.
"Well, kids eat boogers. That's what they do. Now, if the booger is booze, it's not cool. Kids shouldn't eat booze, or 'drink' it, as they say. But, if, in fact, the boogers are made boogers, then it's ok, as long as they're eating their own boogers. Don't let strange kids feed your kids boogers.
It's just not cool! Brush and floss!"

Wow. "The more you know" comes to mind. The less you know would be good at this point, too. E-mail me at survivorninja@hotmail.com if you, or a loved one, is eating foreign boogers. Rupert will beard-slap 'em into recovery. Or tape their nose and mouth shut, for safety purposes, of course.

Tune in next week when:
1) BJ takes a dump with Blake to talk strategy. A hearty high five seals the deal, and they stick together (the never shoulda used super glue for TP)
2) Amy's foot falls off. Her acting skills are put to the test.
3) Danni whips out an autographed picture of Gary in his prime. He plays dumb. Good job, Gary.
4) Judd is accused of being a traitor. He tries to spell it, and has a brain hemorrhage.

Smell you later, freaks.