Survivor: Palau episode 8 recap

Wow, looks like Steph did all those sexual favors to Bobby Jon for nothing.

Week #8 is a burning ring of fire…
(Yeah, Johnny Cash reference)

Well, I was happy to see a change of pace this episode. By change of pace, I, of course, am referring to Coby crying instead of Janu. Yeah, there’s a twist around every turn in Palau this season. Seriously, I’ve seen tortoises humping with more drama and excitement than this. I mean, can someone at least fall into a fire, or eat something poisonous. Jebbus Cripes, I’m so ready for the individual immunities to start. I wanna see what they decide to do with the “do-no-wrong” fireman, and his sickly, aquatic sidekick. After Koror gets rid of Stephanie, it should be good TV from then on.

Reward challenge was the obligatory weird food challenge, and apparently sponsored by the American Dental Association®. Fertilized, half-developed baby ducks, fresh out the shell, was the food of choice for our brave contestants. Ulong chose Steph and Bobby Jon to represent them, while Koror brought out the big guns with father and son team, Ian and Tom. Bobby Jon and Steph had the advantage considering they would eat anything. They’re starving for Rupert’s sake; have you sent those bait fish BJ keeps catching? Well, it was no surprise that Bobby Jon tried to go all out and ended up clogging his esophagus with baby ducks, giving an easy win to Tom’s trib…I mean, Koror.

Immunity involved both swimming and puzzles, again, and a lot of Koror felt left out. Gregg and Coby, the secret lovers, (well, it’s not secret anymore) squared against BJ and Steph, chosen from the Ulong crew. I actually have a to-do list from the Koror camp. I’d like to share it with you:
- find way to kill rats
- clean up shark guts
- comfort Janu when she starts crying for rats
- put coral snake poison in Caryn’s coconut milk
- comfort Janu over loss of Caryn
- kill Janu
- win immunity
So, there you go. Immunity was always in the plan for Koror, not so much for Ulong.

I was impressed to see how the producers handled the 2-person vote-off situation. I liked how the challenge went along with the conversation perfectly. Mark Burnett, you’re a clever bastard, indeed! Bobby Jon couldn’t get it up (tee-hee, snicker) and Stephanie lit her torch to victory. Yes, Jeff you’re clever, too “The tribe has definitely not spoken.” Wow, were you up all night thinking of that Probst? You genius! Anyway, BJ took the walk of shame, but at least he got a hummer from Steph. SEXED UP A LOSER ZING!!!

Tom – Maybe you should put your big-ass hose away every now and then and let someone else look good for a change.

Ian – When Tom asks you if you’ve ever held a fire hose, get away quick.

Gregg – You and Coby make a pretty good pair. Ever had a 3-way with a girl and a gay guy? If you try it, just remember to stick and move. You’ll know what I’m talking about when you get there.

Katie – Sucks to be you. No guys are making out with you. No girls like you. Even the gay guy can’t stand you. That should tell you something right off the bat.

Jenn – Hope you got your “A” game going when Steph comes over, ‘cause she’s not pulling out any stops with Gregg in order to stay in the game. You may want to try something new with him to keep his interest. Ever heard of a Dirty Sanchez?

Caryn – The sound of your rapid aging is keeping everyone up at night. Please try to slow down. Thanks.

Janu – For Osten’s sake, quit already. Just leave. Just get your stuff in the middle of the night and leave.

Coby – It’s bad enough Janu is always crying, now you. Everybody picked on you. Boo freakin’ hoo. Try going to a ninja high school where everyone tries to kill you. AND THAT’S FOR A GRADE!!! But seriously, I probably woulda picked on you, too.

Steph – When you prayed with Ibrehem to become sole survivor, I have a feeling this isn’t what you meant. Allah has a sick sense of humor, huh?

Bobby Jon – You brought her fish, you brought her clam, you taught her how to make fire right before the individual immunity. You poor, stupid bastard!

Pop. Poll – um, have I mentioned that Comcast Communications can suck donkey balls in hell for all eternity?

Rupert’s Corner
Yes, folks, it’s the apple of our eyes, Rupert Hambone here to lay down the skinny for you mark-ass fools up in here.
“Hi gang! Rupert here to let you know that dental hygiene is a very important habit to teach the little ones. Yes, I’m talking about midgets. Its bad enough they’re small, but they don’t have to have bad teeth, too. That’s like a double whammy from God’s sick humor department. Don’t be a fool; stay in school!”

Wow, Rupert is the man! E-mail him or me at survivorninja@hotmail.com for comments and questions, or any other general observations. If your e-mail is deemed worthy, I’ll post it on the blog, for everyone to see and make fun of you about later when you’re real important and you forgot you wrote it. Kinda like when that guy smoked weed, and humped a 14 yr old boy, now look at him, hosting Survivor! No, wait, I’m thinking of someone else. Jeff only does Coke and humps contestants. CAREER GOING NOWHERE AFTER THE SHOW ZING!

Tune in next week when:
1) Coby cries and Janu gets catty (role reversal, anyone?)
2) Drago fights Apollo, and kills him. Rocky has to go to Russia to…sorry, I hit the “Last Channel” button on my remote.
3) Stephanie decides where she’s going to sit on tribal council, as to not get in the way of the real contestants.
4) Katie picks a seat next to Steph

Later, freaks!