Survivor: Palau episode 7 recap

(Be advised: This is the update where I get really pissy about the show sucking. It happened last season. It’ll probably happen again next season. Deal with it.)

Man, Allah really dropped the ball on this one.

Week #7, and my cable provider. Two things I don’t really care for.

Well, yeah, I’m late with the update, and I say this with the most sincerity and respect:

Bite me.

It’s not my fault; my cable provider (we’ll call them X Communications to keep them anonymous. Better yet, we’ll call them Comcast X. That sounds better.) Anyway, they were supposed to have my cable (both TV and internet) up and running in my new place, but they fumbled the ball. After 3 visits from their less than apt technicians, I’m stuck with no home internet service, and fuzzy channels, including CBS. Yeah, my ReplayTV almost got indigestion from trying to record last Thursday’s episode. Record, you ask? Like I said, I was moving. Well, I’m in my new ninja stronghold, conveniently disguised as a condo on the south side of Savannah, and I’m ready to get back to blogging the snot outta my fans (both of them.)

Challenges are getting boring as the producers figure out how to alter everything for 3 people left. Signal a plane, and the gratuitous puzzle challenge. Staples for the Survivor franchise, and not to mention F%#^ING BORING!!! Nobody wants to see that crap. Maybe if it involves nudity, but let’s face it, this is CBS, and they’d cancel the series before we’d get to see Steph’s boobies (I don’t use the word “boobies” enough). Sure, we get to see Ibrehem’s man-titties, but Rupert-forbid we get to see any bit of someone’s chesticles. Man, what a disappointment.

You missed nothing interesting this last episode. Here’s the skinny:

- Tom did something great, and Koror was the better for it
- Janu cried about something, for a longer than necessary time, considering what she was crying about.
- Ulong lost a tribe member

Sound familiar? Yeah, that’s what has happened every other episode to date. They had better merge soon, or I’m going to be forced to watch O.C. on Thursdays, and I HATE the O.C. It’s getting monotonous on Survivor. Anyone agree? Yeah, of course you do. I’m almost positive that there’ll be a merge this coming Thursday. How am I so sure? Get with the program, dammit! There’s 2 Ulongies left. There are no more religious freaks, minorities, or racists, i.e. no more conflict. They have to mix up the tribes or die in the pit of boredom with this season of Amazing Race.

To the members of Korororororor – Do I really need to say anything to you guys?

Gregg – Watch out for Stephanie when they merge. She’ll sex you up just to stay in this game, and Kim wouldn’t like that very much.

Coby - Watch out for Bobby Jon when they merge. He’ll sex you up just to stay in this game, and Ian wouldn’t like that very much.

Stephanie – Tell Bobby Jon that getting voted off means he wins the game. I’ll bet you’ll lose about 150 lbs of Alabama waiter with that plan.

Bobby Jon – Um, Steph wanted me to tell you that getting voted off is how you win the game. Are you gonna let James and Ibrehem win without you? You better start pissing people off.

Pop. Poll – Haven’t seen it. Comcast sucks big nuts!

Rupert’s Corner – At least I have this to look forward to every week. Here’s Rupert with some pearls for all y’all punk asses!

“Hi folks. Easter has come and gone, but do you know what the Easter Bunny brought with him? Food poisoning! Please, parents, check your eggs before you let the kids get to ‘em. The Easter Bunny is sneaky, not to mention, a sick bastard. Putting kids in the hospital from eating rotten eggs is like crack to that fuzzy-tailed psycho. Please check the shells and the smells. That’s an Easter rhyme you can take to the bank, the safety bank!”

Damn, that guy always cheers me up. Let me know what you think at survivorninja@hotmail.com . This is a legitimate e-mail address. It’s not make-believe. You can send me mail, and I’ll actually respond.

I’m lonely. Please write me.

Tune in next week when:
1) Coby finally snaps and bitch slaps Janu at the sight of her first tear.
2) Ian kisses Caryn, while Tom has a 3-way with Stephanie and Kim (Sorry, Gregg, but you’re a procrastinating loser!)
3) Bobby Jon is the first Survivor to vote himself out of the game, after following Steph’s “Plan for Victory”.