Survivor: Palau episode 10 recap

Great. First, Caryn's hair goes unwashed for the last 3 days, now who's
gonna cry after every challenge/conversation/bowel movement?

Week #10, and my nipples are hard!

Wow.

I think that about says it for this season of Survivor. I saw it coming, but I didn't see it coming. Hold on while I change my shorts...

That's better. Now then, where were we? Oh, yeah, Janu is the sorriest sack of crap I've ever seen. Also, she is the lightest sack of crap I've ever seen, but that's irrelevant at this point. I never thought I'd see someone, in this lifetime, pull an Osten. Jeff Probst, you just went up 2 notches in my cool book. Steph had her torch in hand; bag on her shoulder, and you got Janu to tap out.

Bravo, Jeff. Bravo.

The period between the beginning of the show and one of the greatest
Survivor moments in history was used to:
a) Waste 40 minutes
b) Show everyone who just started tuning in that Janu is the undisputed sorriest sack of crap they've ever seen.

The challenge involved scaffolds and swimming, which was the theme for tonight's episode, water and metal structures. The tribe was split into teams, which then raced pieces of a tower into the water, then grab a flag, you know the rest. The winners got to meet a chief and have a grand feast, where the losers got to, well, not meet a chief and have a grand feast. Oh, yeah, the losers didn't have to watch Janu throw up, either. So, who really won again, was it Kor, or was it Or, or do they go by Ko and Ror? I don't know, I can't keep up with these kids and their slang. Anywho, Janu threw up her prize, which kinda set the mood for the rest of the episode. Caryn felt like a winner for once, which is good if you're Caryn, because let's face it, Caryn doesn't win very much. Tom and Gregg won as well, which they call "every day". Ian could have done some major damage if he had taken advantage of having those four leave, but it just so happens Tom carries Ian's balls with him, for just such an occasion ISLAND BITCH ZING!

By the way, it wouldn't have surprised me to see Janu ralph all over the chief's lawn, then go and eat some more. It's called an eating disorder. Please, Janu, you need help. BINGE / PURGE ZING!

Seriously, if you know someone with an eating disorder, help them, by offering them lots of food. They need their strength, you know. Oh, and call them "fat" a lot; they love that.

Immunity was interesting, but boring. Two mind-over-matter, stamina challenges in a row is a bit too much for me. No one wants to see the same guy win all the time, and it'll always be Tom, unless they vote him off, or have a challenge involving sucking, because he'd totally lose, because he can’t even suck if he tried. Everything said and done, there was more done than said, as the water rose and weeded out the weak. Knowing that fat floats, Janu was destined to lose. All the other member of Koror followed suit, who for the sake of saving time during challenges, will be referred to as "Non-Toms". Yeah, he got the necklace. Surprise, surprise. The interesting part I mentioned is that the first loser was banished to stay on an island overnight, alone. Boo. Yeah, it's scary, all right. Janu had the honor, and it was very strange. Fire took all night to build, and for a showgirl, you'd think she could dance better than that. Well, she returned, reborn in her craptitude, and set out to do nothing, but with conviction this time.

Counsel came and things went real good. Steph was set to go home, until that beautiful, silver-tongued, son of a bitch, Jeff started laying the verbal smackdown. Jeff had Janu thinking she was doing something good, which she was, but she wasn't, but she did any way. Wait...ouch...uh oh...hold on...

Dammit, that's two pairs of shorts in one day. Back to the story. I don't get why Jeff let Janu say her peace. They should have chucked her torch in the flames, and left it at that. Instead, she got to stand in the place of honor and have her torch snuffed, make a finishing remark, AND sit on the jury. And I thought Julie had it good. LATCHING ON TO A FALLING STAR ZING!

Anyway, she left, Steph shit herself, and the real game begins...

Tom - Keep winning. Trust me on this one.

Gregg - Keep sucking Tom's hose. Trust me on this one.

Ian - Take turns with Gregg.

Katie and Jenn - Find a way to merge together and form one super, do-nothing bitch. I don't know if it'll help, but at least it'll make you more interesting.

Steph - Fight, fight, fight. And when you're done, keep fighting. I got my money on you, don't let me down.

Caryn - Stay low and shut up.

Janu -

(Yeah, that was intentional)

Pop. Poll
Well, great things come in 3's, I'm just waiting on the 3rd thing. Steph has taken the lead over Tom in the Pop Polls. For the first time this season, someone has surpassed Tom in some way. It's a great day, indeed. Caryn and Katie are 1 and 2 in the suck pool, thanks to Janu's early departure.

Rupert's corner
Don't look directly at his shirt. The tye-dye will hypnotize you. Here he is:
"Well, quitting is never easy, and it shouldn't be. They shoulda had that skinny bitch tossed in the ocean, the water ocean, of course. She don't like water much, she's from the desert. Teach your kids to floss, and they thank you later when you're dead."

Thanks, I guess. E-mail me at survivorninja@hotmail.com with questions, comments, or gum. I love gum. I'm sorry, that's beer. I love beer!

Tune in next week when:
1) Tom actually walks on water. Ian drowns with Tom-sized footprints on his shoulders. Coincidence?
2) Gregg finally decided to quit kissing Tom's ass, and turns back to kissing Jenn's, after doing the penis math.
3) Steph gets tanner and hotter; and Ian becomes more, for lack of a better term, Janu-ish.
4) I run out of funny things to say at the end of the review...too late.

To the fans (all three of you; we've grown), I have a next weekend, um,
mine, and a honeymoon the following week, so don't expect too much from me. All I can say is be patient, and I'll do my best to get the good stuff to you.

See ya, trout-sniffers!