Survivor: Vanuatu episode 8 recap

It's true what they say: Men are from Mars, Women are from some super-intelligent planet lightyears ahead of the Man planet.

Stop picking at week #8, or it'll never get better...

What can I say? Guys are dumb, especially these guys. This week, we saw the beginning of the end for the remaining guys. Here's what I don't understand... How in the hell do you let a coffee barista (which is another name for "no real job") take control and rally all the women behind her? If these women were a little more assertive, and less like lemmings, they might figure out that she needs to go before she breaks away and runs for the million. I was very disappointed in all the guys. They should have known better, and they make all guys look weak and submissive. I didn't see this episode until Mrs. Ninja was finished watching O.C. and North Shore, but once she went to bed, you-know-who took control. I could teach those guys a thing or two.

Reward: Sweets. I just don't get it. I need a job thinking of rewards for these challenges. I mean, you give them a huge cake, knowing that they're about to merge. What's the point? Everyone ate cake. How is that a reward? Oh, it was a day old. I understand now. The "losers" had to eat day old cake, where as the "winners" ate delicious...um...not day old cake. So I guess they really did win. Take that, Scout!!!

Sarge: What exactly were you thinking? First you try and take Twila from Chris. Then, Jon's torch isn't even cold yet, and you're getting all close on Julie. "She sat between my legs." Yeah, and I'm sure you weren't bright enough to see she's playing you. For Rupert's sake, man, they got you to go bare-ass on the beach. You're a puppy dog to them. I hope, for your sake, you keep winning immunity.

Twila: They gave you food, shelter, treated you like one of the guys, and this is how you repay them? You make me sick (technically, you've always made me sick, but now we all see the doo-doo in your soul).

Chad: Apparently, male intelligence can be linked to a fully functioning right leg.

Chris: I know I keep coming back to this, but why am I still looking at you? There's no way in hell you should be there. But then again, Scout is still there, so I see your point. Touché. Also, that leg joke was awesome. There's not better way to bond with an Extremity Deficient American (gotta be PC) than to poke fun at it, and then play it off like it was an accident.

Scout: No sh!t you're overjoyed to see the other women. That means you can ride that wave until the final four. I hate you.

Leann: Put the coffee in the coffee maker, add water, and press the button. There, you're now an official coffee barista. See how easy it is? You now have all the skills necessary to lead the women.

Eliza: I don't know why you were smiling during the vote. The only reason you're still there is because you were born without a penis (which is still up for debate) ZING!!!

Scout: Did I mention that I hate you?

Julie: If you win, I will not be surprised. Next to Sarge, I hope it's you. You have used your body and smarts to manipulate every aspect of the game. Pulling the wool over the guy's eyes, brilliant. Fooling Twila into re-allying with you, brilliant. Getting Sarge to go bare-ass, brill...no, gross...really, very gross. Don't do that any more, please.

Ami: You're Stalin, Hitler, and Magneto rolled into one getting-less-attractive-every-day body. May you rot in hell for all eternity for your hatred towards men. But enough with the compliments...

Scout: Alinta? WTF!?!? I hate you even more for that.

Rory aka Chocolate Thunder: You had it. You had the guys back. All you had to do was swing one lady. That's all. Eliza would have been easy, she's been wishy-washy from day one. Twila and Julie, might have been a challenge, but still easy. Even if you got one lady to vote another way, and not had the vote go in your favor, you would have disrupted the harmony of the NBA (No Balls Alliance). It's hard to say, but I hate to see you go. You've been very easy to make fun of. You're a walking joke. I hope you didn't get beat up when you got home.

I'm starting to hate this season, but as a ninja, who's gonna tell me otherwise. It ain't you, sucka!

Tune in next week, where:

1) I get even more upset as another guy goes home
2) I stop watching Survivor until next season.
3) Chad loses an ass-kicking contest
4) Ami's love for coffee overcomes her hatred of men, and she runs off with Juan Valdez to the mountains of Columbia (Ok, that's a stretch, but I just hope Ami leaves soon.)