Survivor: Vanuatu episode 4 recap

Dah: the only winner this week on Survivor

Someone should have told him that giving 7 starving American women anything with sugar in it will get you anything you want. Even the promise of sugar will get you something. Thanks to Dah's serious-ass hunter-gatherer skills, the women are closer than ever. It just goes to show you that aging hippies, red-neck construction workers, and coffee baristas can coexist in harmony, just like the David Bowie song says.

Scout - Noone is polluting your environment, that's the smell of your rotting flesh holding the others back

Eliza - You voted the way you wanted to, and there's no shame in that. You did fine; don't let anyone else tell you differently. Oh, expect for the part where you made yourself look like an untrustworthy bitch. Other than that, you did fine.

Sarge - I think you're rank is going to your head. These people are not in the service, and you're not their first sergeant. Start acting like a survivor and less like a military puppet waiting for higher orders to get rid or Rory. Nobody will hold it against you if you decide to snake the alliance and jack him. Not like he'd be missed, and you'd still have the numbers.

Jon - Dude, you're a rat. I think the biggest shocker (although I should have seen it coming) is when you voted with "9 legs" and helped ditch Brady. Do you really think that vote is going to make the guys say, "Oh, you're with us? Oh, ok. I didn't know. Welcome aboard!"? No, they're going to boot you first chance they get. And to make matters worse, you're about to switch dance partners and possible get some of those women on your team that you didn't give immunity to. Good going, genius.
(Note: there was no way of Jon knowing that he was going to be switching tribes. But I like to make fun of people, and I ran out of things to make fun of him about, so back off)

Rory - I can't be mad at you. That challenge was totally unfair, and racist might I add. Why would they appoint you the "look-out" for a challenge based on dividing and keep seperate different colors? I would have been insulted if it were me. Then again, if I were you, I would be preoccupied with trying NOT to get voted out, so I guess I can't blame you. Between me and you Rory, don't poke at rocks for hours and call it fishing; it makes white people mad apparently.

Brady - You work for the FBI and you didn't even see that coming? Damn, I feel safer already. You should have known you were a target a) one of the 2 young guys left and, b) being more athletic than Jon. Second, you should have known that rat-boy was going to try and sell you out because "9 legs" saw you and him as a coin-toss. It could have been either one, but he fought harder to get you out. Yeah, you're in the FBI alright, if it's For Big Idiots. ZING!!!
(Note: Zings will become a part of every week's review, because I can; so there)

Travis - Yes, family is important, but you're forgetting one thing: there's no jury yet. You have to wait until people are watching so they can see you cry and be "down to earth". That's what gets you the prize, buddy. Wasting tears all over your good Bob Barker shirt is not gonna win you that million. Suck it up, and practice that routine for when eyes are on you.

Chris - Why am I still looking at you? You should have been gone a long time ago. The only thing you have going for you is your age. The fact that it's closer to the older guys than the younger guys is the ONLY thing that has keep you here. You're uninteresting to talk to, I haven't seen you do much work around camp, and you have to be carried through challenges. In other words, you'll probably end up winning the whole thing.

Well, all bets are off as they switch members next week. I don't think they'll merge this earlier, but they arte going to break up the alliances in order to give the younger folks a shot at the $1 million. See you next week when:

1) Rory complains about something, then goes to poke rocks with stick for relaxation.
2) Dah proposes to Twila, and they have little tree-climbing babies with mullets.
3) Sarge snaps and tells everyone about his "reassignment" surgery
4) After hearing Sarge confess, Twila does the same thing, and Dah kills himself in a rage of passion and confusion.

(I apologize that it's so late in the day; I had to think of material without using boobs jokes. It was harder than I thought.)