Survivor: Vanuatu episode 2 recap

Hello...I mean...Goodbye Dolly

What was she thinking? Famous last words: "I'm the deciding vote."
Ewe(you) dumbass!!! Yeah, a sheep joke, I did it. Seruiously, has she ever seen the show before? Has she ever meet Christie from Season 6 (the deaf girl)? You don't anger the Survivor gods by saying stuff like that. It's a death warrent, every single time. All she had to do was say, "I don't know who I'm voting for, Jeff." That's all it would have took for her to still be in the game. A simple "Duh, what?" would have also been acceptable. Anything, ANYTHING except those fatal words.

Ok, enough with her. The only reason I remembered her name is because she's a sheep farmer. Speaking of sheep, what's with all the rednecks this season? Bubba, we know by your accent that from the south, but when you say stuff like, "It was raining like pouring piss outta a boot on a flat rock." WHAT?!??!?! Did he just say what I thought he said? That's insane. Big Tom, he ain't.

Twila, Twila, Twila. What the hell? Ok, we get it, you'll eat grubs. Just do it and shut up. Yeahm we get it, you're good at manual labor. Again, just do it and shut up. Seeing as how you're the most manly lady survivor to date (debatable - too close with Alicia), you should feminize a bit. You think that in a merge situation you'll be seen as more of or less of a threat if you lady it up? No dude is gonna bring you along for the ride if you look like just another dude. You're physical, but not fit. You've got a bull's eye on your back that will only be revealed when you have finished paving the driveway for the girl's 2-story beachfront condo you're building for them.

Sarge - Much love. You did well on the immunity challenge. I prayed the night before to my Lord and savior, Rupert the Pirate, for you guys to have safe passage from Tribal. Forget the spirit rock, you need a loc of Rupert's beard on that pole (as if he'd ever cut it).

Scout - You're an idiot who has no control whatsoever of the situation. Curl up in fetal position and pray you don't get voted out as well.

Black guy - Be less of a black guy. Nobody owes you any reperations on this island, so quit bitching when you don't like how things are going. Girl get excited when they beat guys in stuff...deal. It doesn't happen very often that we allow women to exceed our own greatness, or at least make them think that (wink,wink).

Chris - um, sweet pony tail

Bubba - the next time any of the young guys confronts you in the woods and gives you an eerie Matt (season 6) stare, you walk away. You walk the hell away.

To the other whose names I haven't commited to memory:
Guys - Keep your heads up
Ladies - you have very lovely boobies, all of you.
I have to say that the Coffee Barista is looking very perky. Get it? Coffee? Perky? Her boobies are nice?

Forget it, that's all I have to say...